Here’s to those out there who feel alone, lost, confused, in a rut…. you are not alone, because I feel that way too.
I never thought I’d find myself with these feelings for such an extended period of time and at such a young age, but alas, here I am.
I’ve decided to move to Portland, Oregon. I’ve been living in the northeast for my entire life and I’m really starting to feel like the culture doesn’t suit my personality. As hard as I’ve tried to make friendships here with likeminded people, almost all of my friendships have either faded or ended, despite my best attempts to hold on to them. As hard as I’ve tried to pursue meaningful jobs out here, I have had too many power-hungry, neurotic and miserable bosses to name.
I feel like it’s time for me to make a change in my life. I’ve always wanted to move out West- I love the big, wide open spaces, the mountains, the national parks, the culture’s focus on nature and the environment as well as the more laid back pace of life.
I have a boyfriend right now here, but there are several issues standing between us, although I love him to death. One of the larger issues is that he never wants to leave the area that we live in due to his family being here, and I absolutely dislike where we live and am very unhappy here.
It’s time for me to start taking responsibility for my own happiness and pursue my dreams although I may be facing the unknown alone. I know it will be really difficult and I will feel all alone out there at first, but I know that if I don’t do this now, I will start to settle down here and I will always wonder ‘what if…’ and possibly live in regret. Nothing in life is set in stone, and if I find myself not liking life out there, I do not have to stay.
I find that most people in the northeast think I’m strange because I haven’t settled down yet in a permanent position, I’m always itching to travel and try new things, and I won’t settle for anything less than happiness and fulfillment. People call me irresponsible and say that I lack judgement, but I think many people here are brainwashed by society to live a life of security and complacency. People are so afraid that if they don’t buckle down with full security on all ends, that they will end up homeless or jobless or on the streets or whatever.
Maybe I am irresponsible and I really don’t know when I will get to the place where I feel like I belong, but I feel it is better to search than to waste years in a place and situation that you know deep down just doesn’t feel right.
The main thing that concerns me is that I also know deep down that it’s really not all about where you are in life, but who you’re spending your life with. I want to find that balance of being in a situation and in a geographic location that I feel suits me, but also be able to share my life and time with people that I love. Once I move out west, I will pretty much know no one and have no support system out there.
Am I crazy? What do you think? Have any of you out there faced similar situations, of leaving your comfort zone and moving far away where you know no one?
Here’s to another adventure and the unknown just around the bend…