So, I put in my two weeks at my job last week! I was so unhappy here, so it is such a relief. To get more info, read my previous posts on why I dislike my job! 🙂
I have so many thoughts running through my head lately. I am sure you can all relate, but it’s so strange how life turns out nothing like you thought it would. I am now 23 years old, and I am going to be 24 in about 5 months. I can’t figure out if I am living my life the way I am supposed to or not. I always thought that everything would just magically fall into place one day for me, but ever since I graduated college 2 years ago, everything has been so confusing and I’ve felt so out of place.
I always thought since I am a positive person who strives for harmony, that happiness would be something that comes natural to me– but this is not proving itself to be the case. In fact, sometimes I feel like I have to fight for my happiness and my freedom so that others don’t infringe on it. I know that it’s all mental– it is in my control whether or not I choose to let things bother me, but I suppose I am not that mentally and emotionally advanced yet, because things certainly do still bother me.
I always thought finding the right job would be easy, and making good friends would be easy, and enjoying life would be easy, but it’s not, because getting where you truly want to be in life seems to be a struggle, and a constant work in progress. It seems like you must make the hard decisions in order to constantly choose happiness over complacency.
For example, if you know that traveling and meeting more people is intrinsic to your well being and passion in life– then you must make a very difficult decision of leaving loved ones behind for a while, as well as your comfort zone behind, to embark on adventures and pursue your passion.
Or, if you truly just want to find a job that resonates with you and that you feel joyful and passionate about, you must not settle for anything less than that and you must make the difficult decision of leaving jobs that aren’t fulfilling you.
Or if you know you deserve great, true friends or a great, true partner, and not just flaky friends or settling for a partner that doesn’t really care much about you- you must make the hard decision of cutting off ties with people that only served as a sense of security in your life, but whom actually never treated you the way you deserve or fulfilled you in the way that you need.
However, at the same time– is it like the Buddhists say, and is it that desires and passions are the root cause of suffering? It’s all so confusing.
I may not be able to reach some transcendental state of being in this life where I am supremely at peace and happy, but it feels like it’s been so long since I’ve been at the point where I’ve felt like, “Yes, this is where I’m meant to be, and things may change for the worse in the future, but right now, I am at rest.”
Either way, I am still refreshed by a new chance at life and starting over somewhere new. I don’t want to keep jumping from place to place and job to job, but I know that wasting away somewhere that is a toxic environment and that in no way fulfills my potential is not the right decision either.